My Date is an Enormous Green Cuddle Monster
by magnificentmustache
Summary: Darcy asks Bruce on a date, but it does not go as planned. Plus shenanigans.
1. Chapter 1

Darcy drummed her fingers as she stared down the large document on her desk. This was not where she wanted to be. She had studied political science in college to be able to go out and add her voice to the clamor of the world, to do something. But SHIELD, it seemed, had other plans for her. Plans that involved a lot of reading. She checked her mailbox again, just in case her salvation had appeared in the seconds since she'd last looked.

Nope.

_This is what you get for being adventurous in your 6 credits of physical science required for your degree, Darcy. Of course, how were you to know that fun and easy internship in New Mexico would turn into you becoming friends with your boss, who just happened to become the girlfriend of a freaking Norse god, who also a member of a super-secret band of heroes. That all is pretty awesome but apparently means you know too much and can't get a job that puts you in a place of power just in case you happen to blab about some top-secret superhero stuff. Which apparently means you can only get a job with SHIELD, and not even a really fun one, because your only kick-ass talent is the ability to tase Norse gods like a bamf._

The door to her office opened, and she couldn't help but yell; "My hero! Please tell me you have something for me to do!"

Dr Banner flinched slightly at the yelling, but seemed fine. Her office was nowhere near large enough for Kermit-on-steroids. She liked him much better human, anyways. He was the definition of adorable, with his secretive smiles and curly hair. She basically just wanted to hug him whenever he was around.

"Actually, I was told I need to see you about some sort of paperwork?"

She stared blankly at him for a moment. "Um. Yeah. Any idea what it was for? I kind of have a lot of paper around here."

"I need to get access to one of the labs."

"What, Stark Tower not good enough for you?"

"Surprisingly, Tony doesn't have everything. I feel better about him not having to buy millions of dollars of equipment just because he lets me use his lab."

"Good enough for me. Here ya go. Fill out this form, and someone will contact you about ID cards and stuff."

"Thanks."

He turned to leave, but she wasn't ready to let him go. "Do you want to get some coffee?"

"What?"

"Coffee. You know, it's hot and brown and contains one of the few legal addictive drugs?"

"Now?"

"Why not? I'm going on break," now that pretty boy time was an option.

"I'd love to." He smiled shyly, and her heart skipped a beat.

"Cool. I know just the place."

If there was place that Darcy felt at home in New York, it was Fafa's café. It is the sort of place that plays music that everybody knows the words to and doesn't pretend to be fancier than it actually is. They also made awesome coffee.

Bruce, however, apparently preferred tea.

"Coffee not good enough for you, Banner?"

"I try to avoid things like caffeine that could make me lose control."

"No coffee. That's a sad life. I practically lived on it in college. Still do."

"What did you study in college, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Political science, but if SHIELD has any say in it, and it appears they do, I'll be pushing papers my whole life."

"I know the feeling. We don't always have as much choice in our lives as we'd like to think."

"That was deep, Obi-Wan. Anyways, I kinda picked poli sci because they made me pick a major to graduate. I pretty much loved everything; I took all the different classes I could. That's how I ended up in New Mexico: it was a hint of adventure mixed in with a combination of stargazing and storm chasing. How's a girl to resist?"

"I know the feeling. When I was younger, I hitchhiked across the country just to go to a concert." Darcy tried to picture a younger, carefree Bruce hitchiking. She couldn't. "You know, I've heard a lot of people sign up for SHIELD because they want an adventure."

"The only thing remotely dangerous about my job is the potential for papercuts."

"Danger is not the same thing as adventure."

"Stop being so wise, Obi-Wan."

"I hope I'm not interrupting." Tony Stark sprawled casually in the booth next to Bruce.

"You never really care if you're interrupting," Bruce replied.

"Not really. Aren't you going to introduce me to your lady so I can interrogate properly?"

"Darcy Lewis, this is Tony Stark."

"Please; call me Iron Man."

"Not gonna happen," Darcy drawled.

Bruce sighed, "Why are you here, Tony?"

"The coffee here has the highest concentration of caffeine legally available. Plus they sometimes have donuts with Captain America sprinkles. Seeing you two here was … a bonus."

Darcy sighed. She could tell he wasn't going to leave them alone.

"Tony…"

"Nope. I have to protect you; I suppose you could call me the father figure of our little band of misfits." Bruce stifled a laugh. "What are your intentions towards my friend?"

"Well, basically all I want is for Bruce to take me home and make sweet sweet love to my vagina."

Bruce spit tea all over the table.

"I like her. She can stay."

A guy wearing way too much khaki for modern style slid in the booth next to Darcy. Not that she was complaining: tight t-shirt plus muscles is a win any day.

"Tony, where did you hide my suit?" He said.

"What, do you need it today? Is the world in danger from aliens again?"

"Well, I need to know where it is in case of emergency."

"I sent it to the cleaners."

"It wasn't dirty."

"It was when I was done with it."

"Awkward."

"Well, Darcy and I are going to be going now."

The blond one seemed to notice Darcy for the first time. "Oh, I'm sorry, where are my manners? Darcy, nice to meet you, I'm Steve."

"Nice to meet you, too. Are your muscles actually real?"

Tony chuckled.

"Because if they are, there should be a law somewhere that says you aren't allowed to wear a shirt."

"I've tried to get that added to the Avengers rulebook many times," Tony replied.

"That wouldn't be fair to the rest of humanity."

"Aww Bruce you made a joke!" Darcy blurted. She spotted a burly blond man over Tony's shoulder and frowned. "Oh no. Who got Thor addicted to caffeine? The last thing he needs is more energy."

"Actually, pretty sure that was your fault. New Mexico, remember?" Tony sighed, "Trust me; we don't appreciate that. He gets even more yelly with coffee."

"Although it does make mornings better. He's really grumpy without caffeine," Steve piped in.

"DARCY! IT HAS TRULY BEEN TOO LONG SINCE I LAST SAW YOU." The girls in the booth next to theirs giggled as Thor pulled a chair up to the table. Darcy couldn't decide if it was a reaction to his volume or glorious pecs.

"You saw me yesterday when you picked up Jane for your date." A date she sincerely hoped had gone better than this one.

"THAT IS TRUE, BUT IT IS ALWAYS A PLEASURE TO SEE YOU. YOU ARE ALWAYS SO AMUSING."

"Easy, tiger. Don't want Bruce to turn green with envy. I mean, this _is_ technically a date."

"Is it really? I am sorry. Tony, Thor, we should be going," Steve said politely. At least someone cared. Maybe if things went completely to hell with Bruce she'd finally get to see what was under Steve's tight shirt.

"But this was going to be an impromptu Avengers Assembly," Tony whined.

"You call your meetings Assemblies? Awesome."

"IS THAT WHY YOU TEXTED ME ON MY CELLULAR DEVICE?"

"Yep."

"Tony…did you seriously invite all the Avengers to our date?" The only sign Bruce was unhappy was the low growl in his voice and the white of his knuckles. Other than that he looked totally not green. Maybe slightly minty around the edges.

"The other two should be here any second."

Two people dressed in altogether too much black appeared behind Thor. "Darcy, this is Natasha and Clint."

"I do not appreciate the insinuation that we were late." Natasha said, pulling up a chair.

"What, making passionate love in the love nest?" Tony quipped.

She smirked and tapped her fingers casually on the hilt of her sidearm. Tony paled slightly. Clint's mouth twitched. Darcy liked them already.

"Guys, can you please just go?" Bruce ruffled his hair, making Darcy's fingers itch.

"A little rude, don't you think? We just got here," Clint said, taking a sip of his coffee.

"I mean all of you. In case you haven't noticed, we are on a date. Or we were."

"Bruce, give it up. The date was over the moment Tony walked in the door," Darcy sighed.

"Yeah, you never had a chance when compared to this."

Steve huffed and stared off towards the vintage jukebox.

"Anyways, don't you want to know why I called this meeting?"

"You mean it wasn't just to undermine my pathetic love life?" Darcy muttered.

"Not quite. See, Pepper has just informed me that we are in need of a new program director for our research department."

"Didn't the previous one sue us for sexual harassment?"

"Possibly. Anyways, I thought Darcy here might be an obvious candidate. Didn't you study some sort of science?"

"Political science."

"Close enough. Program director is basically just grants and publicity stuff anyways, the occasional patent, you know. They also settle disputes as to music selection, which can get surprisingly heated."

"Not everyone likes constant AC/DC blasting while they're trying to work, Tony."

"And not everyone likes Bachtoven or whatever you listen to."

"Classical music is supposed to be good for the brain."

"And yet it gives me a headache."

"I'll take the job if anyone is wondering."

"Are you sure you can handle working with these two?" Steve said, quickly adding, "No offence, guys."

"Well, at least it won't be as boring as my current job. And I might get to actually use some of my knowledge somewhere."

"Anyone have any objections to Darcy working in Stark/Avengers tower?"

Everyone shook their heads.

"Fantastic. I'll have your office set up right away. Well, I guess my work here is done. We'll leave you two alone."

Bruce and Darcy were left alone at a table strewn with coffee cups and donut crumbs.

Darcy broke the silence, "Hey, do you wanna get out of here? Maybe start this date over?"

"I'm all for second chances." Bruce smiled to himself.


	2. Chapter 2

That was when her phone buzzed.

"Of course." She sighed and answered. "Yello."

"Miss Lewis, why aren't you at your desk?"

"It's called a break, Phil, ever heard of one?"

"Since when do breaks last an hour?"

"Since I asked Bruce out for coffee, and then Tony Stark invited the rest of the Avengers, so I never really got my date. I don't suppose you'll let my break last a little longer?"

She could practically hear him frowning over the phone.

"My office. Now."

She hung up the phone with as much anger as she could. Bruce was looking at her with puppy-dog eyes. Damn.

"I'm going to have to take a rain check on that date, Obi-Wan. The boss needs me back in the office."

He looked disappointed, "Can I at least walk you back?"

"Only if you promise hand-holding and a goodbye kiss."

He was trying to form a response when two SHIELD agents appeared next to their table. "Darcy Lewis? We're here to take you back."

"Dammit, Phil!"

Phil was waiting for her in his office, but unfortunately he was not alone. Nope, looks like she was lucky enough to catch Nick Fury's attention.

Darcy had something she liked to call the Rule of Fury. Basically, whenever she didn't want to see him he would appear. Also, if there was something she really didn't want to talk about he would bring it up. _Please don't ask about my sex life. Please Don't Ask About My Sex Life. Pleasedon'taskaboutmysexlife._

"Miss Lewis, it has come to my attention that you decided to go on a date with Dr. Banner without telling anyone and completely ignoring the rules we have in place regarding the Avengers and any relationships with them. Would you care to explain before I fire you right now?"

"Well, sir, since you basically force me to work here against my will so you can keep an eye on me I seriously doubt you're going to fire me."

"Firing you isn't an issue if I throw you in jail."

Darcy glared as intimidatingly as she could. "You can't blame me for liking Bruce; he is really cute and also seriously not dangerous. I didn't tell anyone because it was kind of a spur-of-the-moment thing and Phil wasn't even here. Next time I'll make a facebook event or something."

"Do you have any idea what kind of danger you put yourself in? Dr. Banner may appear to have control but you can never be sure what will put him over the edge."

"And what, turn him into an enormous green cuddle monster? Bruce is seriously the kindest, most gentle person I know, and I know that the Hulk is dangerous, but he was able to work with the Avengers. You shouldn't ignore that."

"Unfortunately, he also doesn't like to talk and will fuck you up as soon as look at you."

"Darcy," Phil spoke up, "You haven't seen the Hulk. You don't know what he's really like. Very little of Bruce carries over in the transformation."

"I've seen the videos. I know that he rescued Tony when he was falling."

"He also basically destroyed my helicarrier, and almost killed most of the Avengers in the process. He also really seems to enjoy punching Thor."

"But let's be honest, who doesn't enjoy punching Thor?"

"Let me make one thing clear: I don't care about your romantic life, but I have to protect the civilian population from any potential threat. We just don't know what will make Dr. Banner lose control and that makes a relationship dangerous. I've made my decision. I don't want you alone with Dr Banner until we're sure there is no danger."

"What? Who says you have control over my personal life?"

"As long as you are an employee here, the contract you signed when you joined SHIELD."

"Then I quit. Tony Stark offered me a job, and I'm taking it."

"Now wait just one goddam minute. If you go to work for Stark, you'll be around Banner full-time."

"Yep. Tony seems to be encouraging that."

"Might I make a suggestion?" Phil broke in, "Perhaps if we had someone with Darcy and Dr. Banner? Someone who is able to stop the Hulk if he appears before he's able to hurt anyone?"

"Um, I really don't want a chaperone…"

"And yet, Miss Lewis, that is the only way I'd consider letting you and Dr. Banner attempt a relationship. You are not gonna put my reputation on the line because you have a crush. This is my party and I will decide who to invite. I'll be nice and give you a choice: chaperone, or I ship you off somewhere where you won't be so tempted."

"Fine, as long as I okay the chaperone."

"As for the job, if you seriously want to work for Stark, you go right ahead."

"And you'll watch my every move."

"You bet your ass."

"Gentlemen," she said, bowing out the door.

Tony Stark was waiting for her in a Lamborghini at the curb. She rolled her eyes when she pushed out of the revolving door and heard the AC/DC blaring.

"So do I ever get a moment to myself or are you stalking me now?"

"Definitely stalking. You ready to move into your new office?"

She dropped the box holding all her office stuff and flopped down on the seat next to him. "Shut up and drive."

"You'll be happy to learn that I talked Pepper out of making you do the new employee orientation."

"Does that mean I don't have to do all the paperwork? Sweet Jesus Hallelujah!"

"Yes, and you don't have to sit through the videos, which are quite boring in spite of the fact that they feature me."

"I'm sure someone has done a much more entertaining remix on YouTube, anyways."

"Well, we're here."

She had to admit that the gleaming tower was awe inspiring. It was now also a busy tourist destination due to the whole aliens-trying-to-take-over-the-world thing.

"So does my suite have a pool, or what?"

"Well, um, your office doesn't. But if you want, I'm sure we could arrange a suite for you to stay here with the Avengers."

"That's nice, but I'm pretty sure there's only so long I can stand being around all of you."

"Aww, we grow on you. I promise I won't crash any more of your dates."

"Well, apparently Fury is going to be crashing them from now on anyways."

"Sounds awful."

Darcy looked around the impressively giant foyer. "It's very shiny."

"Thank you. Designed it myself."

"With help." A super-polished business woman appeared behind Tony. Darcy immediately felt underdressed. "Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries, pleased to meet you."

"Darcy Lewis, professional superhero wrangler, pleased to meet you, too."

"I tend to be very busy running things around here, but if you need anything, like if the guys are harassing you, my door is always open."

"I can handle them, but thanks."

Pepper smiled, "Give a good tour, Tony. Don't forget anything important."

"Those are the only things on the tour." He swiped his key card by an obviously private elevator. Instead of pushing any buttons, he said "Jarvis, take us to Research."

"Yes sir, of course."

"What the hell was that?"

"That's Jarvis, he runs the house."

"He's an invisible butler?"

"An AI, designed him myself. He's installed all over the building, and on all the computers and cellphones. Here's your office," he said, throwing the door open, "And that is the window into the lab that I expect you to use to fawn over Banner all day." The office was traditional white, but she could overlook that flaw because of the gorgeous mahogany desk and bookshelves that made it look like an old fashioned professor's office. There was cushy couch across from the window that looked like it would be perfect for curling up with some coffee. Or making out with Bruce…

"It's all so shiny and professional looking." Darcy flopped down in the giant leather desk chair. "Dude, can I get a better chair? This one isn't spinny enough. Also, please tell me that's not your secret sex couch?"

"Jarvis will see about the chair, and as for the couch, well, you'll find out."

"Cool. While we're at it, do I get a company phone?"

"It's in the top drawer. Feel free to waste work time texting Banner. Oh, I almost forgot: Fully stocked mini fridge. I wanted a minibar installed, but Pepper outlawed drunk science."

"Aww. Even on Saturdays?"

"I tried to change her mind, but she is very stubborn, in a sexy way.

"Let's see, what else is important? Kitchen is upstairs by our rooms. Dr. Foster has her own lab, but usually works here if she's actually in the building; she likes to talk ideas over with Bruce. All of the Avengers live and train here. Phil can get in any locked door he wants to; I honestly don't know how to stop him. Oh, and you can always find where Bruce is by asking Jarvis."

"And where is that right now?"

"Twelfth floor hallway, coming down to the lab. Would you like me to send him a message, miss?"

"Just tell him I look forward to seeing his cute butt at work."

"That's my girl. Let Jarvis or me know if you need anything. And don't worry if you hear any explosions; they're usually under control."


	3. Chapter 3

With Tony gone, Darcy finally had a chance to really check out her office. The couch was right across from the window, which she suspected was Tony's hint that she could just sit there and watch Bruce work. Next to the couch was a small counter with a sink, mini fridge, and awesome looking coffee machine. The window into the lab was surrounded by cabinets and shelves that were full of books about everything from Shakespeare to genetics. Behind her desk was a large window that looked out on the skyline. Basically, it rocked.

The first thing Darcy did (after lining up her action figures and mini stuffed animals on an open shelf) was check her email. She had to admit the whole transparent screen thing was kind of cool, except that anyone who came in the door would immediately be able to see when she was just derping around the internet.

She logged in and did a double take. Apparently she had 25,000 unread emails.

"Holy shit! TONY!"

"He's not going to hear you from here."

"GAH!" She pulled her taser and spun around to see Clint had hidden himself on top of a book shelf. "What the hell, Clint?"

"I was bored and wanted to say hi."

"Dude, you can't just hide in my room. I could've tasered you. Next time, I _will_ taser you. How'd you even get up there?"

Clint shrugged, "I'm good with heights."

"Get down. I have to check my email, and I don't want to feel you reading what I'm writing."

"Fine," Clint jumped down and sulked his way onto the couch.

"Any idea why I have 25,000 emails?"

"Some of them might be from us."

"Oh good."

There were about 20 emails from the Avengers. Tony and Clint apparently were vying for the person to clog up her inbox the most, and Steve obviously had to send three because he kept sending his before he'd finished.

The rest of the emails were requests for Tony or Bruce to come give a talk at some school or conference (Jane's stuff was probably still sent to her university account).

"Jeez. This is going to take forever." She started systematically deleting emails.

"So…I got a message from Fury that you might need a chaperone?"

"That was one of his requirements for me having a relationship with Bruce. Actually, it was one of his requirements for me to stay in the country."

"You fared better than most, at least he bargained with you. Anyone else would have just woken up in Antarctica."

"Dude, I can't go to Antarctica. I hate penguins, with their little beady eyes and tuxedos. They always make me feel underdressed."

Clint sat up and looked her in the eye, "Seriously, though, Fury respects you, which means you're tough. You'll fit in fine around here."

There was a gentle knock on the door.

"Come in!"

Bruce opened the door, and seeing Clint, said, "I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

"No, I was just leaving. We'll talk later, Darcy."

"Um, Clint, I love the way you know when to politely leave, but I really hate penguins, so…"

"I'll be right outside in the hallway."

He quietly closed the door after him.

"What is it Bruce?" she walked over to the couch and curled her legs under her.

"Well, we never really got to talk after the date," Bruce said as he sat down carefully next to her.

"I don't know if that really counts as a date, big boy."

"Well, I wanted to talk to you about that. I'm not sure dating is such a good idea."

"Why? I know I'm a maneater, but you don't have to be worried."

"Darcy, dating me is dangerous."

"I know, and let me just tell you that I was forced to watch all of the Twilight movies by my roommate and my life is not turning into that. We are going to approach this like adults. If anyone can keep me safe from your alter-ego, it is the Avengers, and Fury has already kindly offered to supply a super-chaperone whenever we need one, as is evidenced by Clint standing outside the door like a good bodyguard."

"So that's what that was about. You've really thought this through; It's been less than a day."

"I multi-task. Seriously, though, I think this could be a good thing, are you willing to give us a shot?"

He paused for a second, "As long as we take the necessary precautions, and you have to let me set limits on the physical stuff."

Darcy smiled and leaned forward to gently kiss him on the cheek. "Of course," she whispered.

Suddenly, the door banged open, and she was again apparently the center of an Avengers Assembly.

"You guys have the worst timing, you know that? Clint, you were supposed to take care of this."

He shrugged, "I'm a chaperone, not a bodyguard."

"LADY DARCY, IT IS SO GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN!"

"Thor, you just saw me like an hour ago, no need to start a thunderstorm."

"I hope we're not interrupting anything, Darcy," Steve said.

"That's alright, Steve, we can continue this later," she said, sitting up.

"Anyone want popcorn?" Natasha grinned as he pushed in a movie theater style cart.

"Oh my god, I love you."

"Careful, there, we don't want Bruce to turn green with envy." Clint retorted. Darcy high-fived him in approval. Behind him, Natasha smirked.

"I should be going anyways," Bruce said, smiling secretively again.

"What, why? What's going on?"

"Come sit here on the couch and see."

Confused, she took what appeared to be the seat of honor smushed in between Cap and Clint. Through the window, she saw that Bruce and Tony had set up what appeared to be a science show.

"Aww, is this for me?"

"Ladies and gentlemen, may we have your attention please?" Bruce said, his voice echoing through the speakers in her office. He and Tony entered the lab all dressed up in labcoats and goggles, which Darcy thought made Bruce look even hotter.

"We wanted to welcome Darcy to our team."

"And, as we're sure everyone agrees, what better way to do that than with science?"

"The fun kind of science," Tony added, "The exploding kind."

"Well, nothing too dangerous."

"Yeah, we have to make sure Bruce here stays his cuddly human self, so he can make out with Darcy later."

"Tony!"

"Why else do you think I put a couch in her office? And spent all that money to install a smart glass window so you can have privacy?"

Bruce lifted his goggles to run his fingers over his eyes, "Tony…"

"Anyways, Bruce and I made a Rube Goldberg machine. It's this thing that does lots of stuff to accomplish an explosion. I'm sure Bruce wants to explain the physics of every single little detail of this machine, but I just want to start it, so…" He dropped a Ping-Pong ball into a chute, which started off a chain of Mentos and Coke volcanoes which started some dominoes stuff, and I'm not going to bore you with the details but I assure you it was spectacular and took over the entire lab. Darcy was hoping that her new job didn't include cleanup duties.

About halfway through, Bruce looked at the end and said, "Holy shit, Tony, how much thermite is that?"

"Well a tiny bit like you wanted is just boring, so I amped it up a bit."

"That's because I wanted a tiny fire, not a massively dangerous fireball!"

"Oh, it'll be fine."

"Tony, I don't think that's such a good ide...ARAARGH," Bruce bent over, his muscles growing, splitting through his shirt, and turning green. When he looked up at the window, the only thing left of Bruce was his curly hair. He roared, pure hatred in his eyes and a giant fireball growing in the background.

"Oh shit."


	4. Chapter 4

**I would like to dedicate this chapter in celebration of the end of campaign commercials. Enjoy.**

So, freeze frame: Darcy was sitting on a couch squished between two superheroes and roaring at her as a fireball grew behind him was a giant green monster who when not green and giant might be her boyfriend. Darcy was starting to question her life choices.

As the fire licked at his back, the Hulk grabbed Tony and broke through the wall to Darcy's office, carrying him to safety. The sprinklers came on to tame the flames, but Darcy was transfixed the giant green bundle of muscles who used to be Bruce. The Hulk's eyes darted around the room, looking for the threat, and rested on her, the one person he did not recognize.

He roared, baring his teeth. The Avengers all pulled out their weapons, but hesitated to use them in case they angered the Hulk even more. They shouted, trying to reason Bruce back. Clint pushed Darcy behind him, protecting her. This did not go over well with the Hulk. He ran faster than anyone could react, and threw Clint aside. Darcy screamed as Clint hit the wall and the Hulk raised his hand to strike.

Time seemed to slow, and she saw a flicker of recognition in his eyes just before Thor threw his hammer, knocking the beast back through the wall into the smoldering remains of the lab. The Hulk grinned menacingly and pushed off the ground into a flying leap, almost landing a fist on Thor.

Darcy breathed in raggedly as she heard Tasha say, "They're going to destroy this building again, but what can we do? We can't let the Hulk loose on New York. Come on, let's get out of here."

"Wait. Would tasing him do any good?"

"I doubt it…It might just anger him more."

"Might as well give it a shot. If we don't do something, he's going to hurt somebody." Darcy said, glancing at Clint, who was beginning to stir. She grabbed her taser out of her purse, and made her way through the broken wall to the lab. Thor, Steve, and Tony (now in his suit) surrounded the Hulk, who was still holding his own. They all had visible scrapes and bruises. The Hulk pushed past them to pull a lab table off the wall. He was in range, so Darcy took her chance. Breathing in to steady herself, she fired the taser, hitting him square in the back. He turned, wide eyed, to look at her.

_Uh, Darcy, now would be a good time to start talking._ "Stop! You're going to hurt somebody."

The Hulk huffed and raised his hand.

"Ah-ah-ah, no," she said, waving her taser at him, "These are your friends. You aren't in any danger. See?"

She motioned for Steve, Thor, and Tony to back down. They didn't seem happy about it, but they took her lead. Seeing them put their weapons down, the Hulk lowered his fist.

Darcy sighed in relief as her not-so-jolly green boyfriend sat down on the floor with a thud.

She realized she was shaking. She heard her name, and out of the corner of her eye saw Clint slowly get up, helped by Tasha. Someone tried to put their arm around her, but she shook it off and knelt down by the calming Hulk. His eyes closed with a moan as he lay down on the floor. He was slowly changing back into her Bruce. She reached out to brush dust off his forehead; he looked so vulnerable there in the rubble.

There were shouts as a team of SHIELD agents rushed onto the scene. Darcy just sat there, Bruce's head in her lap, slowly twirling circles in his hair.

Phil crouched down next to her. "Darcy, we're going to need to check Bruce out to make sure he's okay, and I'm going to need to talk to you about what happened, alright?"

She nodded.

He put his arm around her shoulder and guided her out into the hallway, away from Bruce and away from the rubble. A passing medic handed him a blanket, which he wrapped around her, and then guided her into the break room where it was quieter. She leaned against the wall, but that was not enough, so she slid down into a sitting position. He followed, probably wrinkling his suit. For a few minutes, they just sat there.

"Are you okay?"

"Yep, perfectly normal, my boyfriends have always been able to turn into giant green monsters." She sighed. "I just have really good taste in men."

She continued after a short pause, "You know, Bruce is actually an awesome guy. He's the first guy that I've liked who is not crazy, not dangerous(in human form), and not currently in a relationship with someone else. Of course, he has to have something negative, which in his case is the whole Jekyll and Hyde thing. Fact is, since I met Bruce, I've kind of managed to push back the whole Hulk thing. Can't do that anymore."

"No one's going to blame you if you need to quit your job here and get away."

"You mean get away from Bruce. Problem there is I've never been one for running away from my problems. As dumb as it might be, I'd much rather punch my problems in the face. Show them who's boss."

"I don't think punching Bruce in the face will help."

She giggled slightly too loud, "True. Phil, I know you're worried about me, but right now I just need to go home and think things out on my own for a bit. You can have me shadowed if that makes you feel better, but I kind of just want to be alone. No offence."

"None taken. You've had a busy day. I think you've earned a day off tomorrow, too." He helped her up, and guided her to the elevator, then out the lobby doors into a waiting SUV. He slid in next to her and they were driven to her apartment, which was kind of a long drive because she lived with Jane, who refused to live in the actual city due to light pollution.

Phil got her into her apartment and then left saying he'd be right outside if anything happened.

Darcy climbed up to the rooftop garden, also a requirement of Jane's, and just lay on a lounge chair looking at the stars for a while.

_Why am I putting myself through this? Bruce is cute, but the whole heart-attack inducing growth problem kind of outranks that._

She thought back over their short relationship, trying to figure out why with so many obstacles, she was still unwilling to let him go.

_He respects me,_ she decided._ He listens to my ideas and makes me feel smart, in spite of the fact that I'm talking to the world expert on gamma radiation. Plus, he's just a good guy: kind, smart, loyal. He's also cuddly. In spite of the whole green thing, I just feel happy when I'm around him. He makes me relax and be myself, and I don't want to give that up._

_Plus it looks like I have a bestseller opportunity called "How to train your Hulk" if the taser thing keeps working._

_Yeah, I'm not ready to give up on this just yet._

Her cell phone rang from the depths of her purse. She dug it out and answered, in spite of not recognizing the number.

"Hi, who is this?"

"Darcy; it's Bruce."

A shiver ran up her spine at his voice. "How'd you get my number, handsome?"

"I wheedled it out of Phil. I just needed to make sure you were okay and see if you wanted to talk."

"Honestly, I'm still processing, Bruce, but don't even think about hanging up because hearing your voice is just what I needed right now."

"Okay." There was a pause. "Sorry."

"For what?" she asked, even though she knew.

"For putting you through this."

"That's not your fault."

"And yet I appear to be winning the award for worst boyfriend in history."

"Yeah, I disagree. I've definitely had worse."

"Is that why you're such a bad ass? I talked to Phil about what happened. What you did back there, with the taser? That was really stupid. Brave, but stupid."

"Well, what was I supposed to do? Let the others get beaten up? Wait until the building was torn down? I had to try something."

"You could have gotten killed!"

"Yeah, but I didn't. I've had some experience with super human giants before, and the taser worked then, too. Sometimes, when the stronger stuff isn't working, you have to try something else. It's like in physics: there is no force stronger than the strong force, the only thing that can affect it is the weak force. I may not be weak, but I can damn well be gentle."

"Did you just physics me?"

"Yep. I took a class, once."

"You have no idea what a turn-on that is. In spite of your theory, I'd feel better if you'd get some self-defense and possibly weapons training. The other guy isn't the only danger around the Avengers."

"I'm all up for learning kung-fu and how to shoot things."

"I just don't want you to get killed."

"Aw, thanks."

"I don't think you realize just how unique you are, Darcy."

She squirmed with happiness. "And you, sir, have some of the best hair for running fingers through that the world has ever known."

"I'm shocked that you would take advantage of my helpless state like that."

"Get used to it. I'm going to take any chance I can get to play with those glorious curls of yours."

"I'm counting on it. Next time, I hope I'm conscious."

"You could come over right now…"

"I could, but I should let you sleep. It's been a long day."

"Fine," she sighed theatrically. "See you tomorrow?"

"Definitely."

The receiver clicked gently. Darcy, grinning hugely now, ran downstairs to get ready for bed. She didn't notice the shadowy figure stir in the corner, but then he did not mean to be noticed.


End file.
